Love is not because of… but it is in spite of…

What did you fell when someone whom you love hurt you, disappointed you or made you sad? Did you still love them? Perhaps some of you still loved them while the other chose to hate them.

I know that it was not easy when a man who was close to you hurt you badly. However, as you loved him so much, I think you would have not considered the pain that he did. As parents who loved their children so much wouldn’t able to hate them even though they hurt them. Love covered everything.

Now, let’s talk about our relationship with God. I knew and I really did have some hard times that made me hurt, be disappointed even angry at Him. When everything happened was far away from my expectation, I questioned His love. If He were God, he should help me through this hardness. If He loved me, I should not face those problems. There were a lot of excuses that I made for blaming Him.

Yet, did I really have right to do it? Who was I that I could order The Creator? Suddenly my consciousness rebuked me. When I said that I loved him, was it was because I wanted Him always fulfilled my wishes? So when the other way happened, my love turned to a hate. If it was so, then I had no love for Him at all.

True love was still bloom even the condition seemed almost impossible for it. That’s why when I said that I loved Him, I should keep loving Him even though I faced hardness, even though I lost my dreams and hope, even though He didn’t grant my request.  That’s the pure love as He did it to me first. He loved me so much even I was a sinner, even I rebelled to Him and chose walking by myself and pushed Him far away.

At that time I learned to love Him even though…

as I knew and believed in Him that He had and would provide me with the best ones.

When God answer the pray 13

God, where are you God? Where are you?

I’m here My son. What happened? Why are you crying?

God, you know. You know what happened. You know that I just ruined my exam. I ruined everything.

I do know…

Then, why didn’t You help me? Where were You? You know I got bad comments. When presenting my work, the professors criticized me. I’m done, God. I won’t pass this exam. However, You did nothing to help me. You kept silent and let them attacked me cruelly.

 My son, I did help you. When you get the topic that you had to make a presentation, you were really happy, weren’t you? I know you excel in it so I chose it for you.

Ok God. You are right about that part, but still I ruined it. You knew from beginning it would happen, did You? I know that You did it on purpose. Did You want me failed?

Of course not My son. Don’t be angry with me. I did everything for your sake. Didn’t you remember that you almost lost your chance to take the exam? It was Me that helped you. I let them gave you one more chance when some of your friends didn’t get the chance. For doing it, you even didn’t thank Me…

Ok God, I thank You. I admit You’re right…

About their critics, wasn’t it good for you? You knew what were you lacking at and you could improve yourself. I really did it on purpose. I wanted you to learn something.

I admit that I was not good. I was disappointed with myself and I wanted to blame it on someone. I knew what they had spoken was right. But still, I couldn’t accept it. No matter how much I learned, the fact that I ruined my exam would not change.

Stop judging yourself. Instead of weeping, you should be grateful for everything you have. You have had a chance to take the exam and you have got some critics which are good for improving yourself. About the result of your exam, trust it on Me. You don’t have any idea about what am I doing but keep complain on Me.

God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I don’t thank You. I forget to thank You… It just really shatters me. I’m done…

I’m not yet done even you are. I’ve did everything for you and I still do it. Don’t lose hope, my Son. Believe in Me and you will see what will I do to you.

….

happy new year!!!

73819d84165f11c3e67c35317e044242.jpg Happy new year everyone! 2016 has ended and we get in 2017 now. Talking about new year, actually I don’t have anything special. I think new year isn’t different with the other days. I don’t know why some people celebrated it in a luxurious way. Some people got a party and the others went to a special place. Well, I myself prefer stayed at home and watched the television. That’s what I did last night.

You don’t think that I will write nothing but rubbish, do you? When I reflected what is the meaning of new year, I got that new year was not about celebration, but it was about how we gave thanks for everything happened in the last year. Ok, maybe some things were bad, but I thought not all of them were. I believe there were a lot of beautiful things happened in 2016. I still remembered how I started 2016 with uncertainty, worrying a lot of things but in the end of it, some things I worried before were amazingly ended happily, even not all of them. However, when thought about it somehow I felt that I was blessed. Looking through the past, maybe I could have something worse happened in my life, but it didn’t happen. I’m still here, breath healthily and I can write my story.

Ok maybe you want to complain about your dreams that you couldn’t accomplish in 2016, or about your wishes that weren’t granted. It is ok. I have it too, but I think we still have a plenty time to accomplish our dreams. We have been given a chance in 2017 so let’s do something about it. I feel sorry for them who didn’t make their way to 2017. So instead of regretting the past, I think it is the time for us to plan something in 2017. I think new year means I’m still given a trust to make something better. So let’s take the chance to accomplish our dreams in 2017.

About our worries, ok it’s not easy not to worry anything we don’t know before. I am worrying a lot of things too, but look at us. We still stand here. We have been success passing the 2016 and the years before. So nothing needs to be worried.  If God pleased, He will let us get everything we want. He will guide us in 2017 as what He has done for years. So cheers up! Let’s take the first step in 2017 with give thanks and promising to make everything in 2017 better than before.  Happy new year and have a blessed year!

This Christmas

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It’s Christmas again. By this Christmas, I heard some sad news. It was about the Christmas celebration rejection from certain groups of people, and lately, we heard about the bomb terrors even I don’t know exactly what was it aimed for. Facing this situation, I think it is common for us to feel uncomfortable, insecure and may be a little worry. But I think it’s OK. We learned Christmas was about presents, celebrations and joy in a wrong way. I think instead of there is a joy because everything is going well according to our will, we have to learn that we still can find a joy in every situation, even in the worst one.

Let’s go back to two thousand years ago. When Christ was born, I think we got the same situation. Rejection, terror and difficulties, the baby Christ and his parents faced all of them. They had no room for Mary to deliver her Son. As a pregnant woman, I think it was very difficult to make a travel. The difficulties were increased when she need to bear but there was no one willing to provide a room. I think they must have been very sad, flustered and may be a little angry with the current situation. You know the next stories. Rejection didn’t interfere with the birth of Christ. In the middle of unexpected hardness and difficulties, Christ still be born, even He was born in the manner, an unsuitable place for a baby to be born. Could you imagine how can they have a joy? I myself couldn’t do it.

Was everything ends after He was born? No, it was not. They still had to face a terror because Herod wanted to kill the baby Christ. He ordered to kill every male infant. I couldn’t imagine the terror that each parents had to face, including Mary and Joseph. They must have feared and were forced to run to Egypt, where they lived as strangers, far away from their home town. Were they happy when they did it? I was sure they weren’t.

All of difficulties they had to face were caused by the baby Christ. However, they didn’t give up on Him. They faced everything because they believed in their Son. And I believe in every hard situation they had to face, they could find a joy and peace. I think that was Christmas.

Christmas this year made me learned to trust God in every situation. No matter how worst it was, God was still in control. Rejection, terror, difficulties can’t interfere God’s love for us. And we should imitate it. There should be nothing can stop spreading love to other, sharing goodness to the needed and testifying God’s grace in our life. We have no fear, we have a joy and peace because God grants them to us. And now, it depends to us for living the love that God has provided.

One more, may in this Christmas we learn to imitate Christ. Even the world rejected Him, no one welcomed His birth, but the shepherds and the magi, He still loves this world and he proved it by His death on the cross. He loves the people who hated Him, even they who crucified Him.

In this Christmas, may the peace and love always be with us. Merry Christmas.

God’s waiting

Have you ever been waited for something? I’m sure that you have. How did you feel when you were waiting? Once again, I’m sure you hated it and you swear never you would do it again. You know, today I waited for ticket reservation almost three hours, and honestly it made me impatient.  I really hated it, knowing that I should went to the reservation desk as soon as possible but I couldn’t do it because there was someone else standing there, or even there was no one, still I had to wait for my number was called. No one loves waiting. I’m sure about it.

I think it’s same with what is God feels when He waits for us. God really wants us coming to Him, but us, including me, spend very little time for God. We choose to prioritize our daily schedule, our own interest rather than God. I myself think that I put God on the, well I don’t know exactly where it put Him, maybe on the third, sixth or even tenth place, but not yet on the first, in my life priorities. But God is still waiting for me (Hosea 3:3-5) to leave everything and come to Him. Never he tired or bored when He’s waiting. It’s the opposite of my deeds. I waited for three hours and I got angry, but He’s waiting for the entire of my life and never gets tired.

You know, for me knowing it really makes me speechless. I can’t say or write anything more. I just fell grateful because God loves me so much, but in the same time I feel ashamed because I have done a lot horrible things. Anyway, I believe that He is God who loves me. He has forgiven me and will always forgive me.  But He also wants me to put Him on the first place in my life. Thanks God for Your love…

War room movie comment

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Few months ago, I know it was very long time but I found no time to write so I’m writing now, I watched a very good movie, I thought. Its title was War Room. It was about a wife that had difficult time with her husband. With the old woman’s help, she started to pray for her family. And you know, her family started to change. Her daughter started to pray for her parents, and finally her husband changed to, after he got fired from his company. As, the story passed, her husband had a struggle with his sin. He had stolen his company goods and at that time, he didn’t know what should he do. Gave back the stolen goods would brought him to be prosecuted. Finally he gave back the goods that he stole and amazingly, instead of prosecuting him, his boss asked why did he do it.

That’s the synopsis of the movie. When I watched it, I thought that everything happened in the rest of the movie started by a simple act. It was a prayer from the wife, of course after the old woman, her client urged her, almost forced her, to start praying for herself and her family. Instead of blaming her husband, she should correct herself first, came to God and asked forgiveness. Then she should put everything, her problems, her husband, her daughter in God’s hand. The first point that I got was each of us had to start from ourselves. If we wanted a transformation, we should transform first. It was impossible if we wanted our surrounding changed but we did nothing. The second one, it was not easy to overpower ourselves, our ego, our pride and let God took control. But it was a must. If we confessed Him as God, it meant we had to let Him worked as God. Trusted Him and He would brought everything for our sake. You knew, He could do everything, but it was ourselves that didn’t let Him be our God. We pushed Him from our life and didn’t give Him any chance to make our life beautiful.

The third one, I was really amazed with the husband act. He was repent and ready took a risk for paying his sin. It needed courage to confess our fault and got willingness to take responsibility, no matter how much its cost. In the movie, the husband was ready to be jailed for his deeds. It was not easy, man. Then it was told than he got grace since his boss decided not to prosecute him, but his boss came and asked why did he do it. I myself truly believed that God would not keep silent. When we started to do something right, He would help us too. But, it was us that first had to take an action.

Another part that I liked was when their daughter got a competition. Her team didn’t get the first winner. I really appreciated it. In this life, we would not always get what we want. But, how would we react when it happened, I meant when something we hoped was not happened. Ok, maybe, not maybe but it must be hard for us. We did have choices. We could sank in our sadness or we could chose to give thanks no matter what happened and be happy.

And, the last one, the movie was started by the old woman, the wife client commitment to help others. If the old woman kept silent and did not asked about the wife spiritual life and her family relationship, maybe their marriage would still in trouble, or they could be divorce. You knew, take attention to other was important. The simple act was praying them. But if we had capability to help them why we didn’t do it? I want to close this writing with statement: Every small act, even it’s just a pray can bring a great impact, so don’t stop praying. If you never pray, you are not yet late to start it.