Love is not because of… but it is in spite of…

What did you fell when someone whom you love hurt you, disappointed you or made you sad? Did you still love them? Perhaps some of you still loved them while the other chose to hate them.

I know that it was not easy when a man who was close to you hurt you badly. However, as you loved him so much, I think you would have not considered the pain that he did. As parents who loved their children so much wouldn’t able to hate them even though they hurt them. Love covered everything.

Now, let’s talk about our relationship with God. I knew and I really did have some hard times that made me hurt, be disappointed even angry at Him. When everything happened was far away from my expectation, I questioned His love. If He were God, he should help me through this hardness. If He loved me, I should not face those problems. There were a lot of excuses that I made for blaming Him.

Yet, did I really have right to do it? Who was I that I could order The Creator? Suddenly my consciousness rebuked me. When I said that I loved him, was it was because I wanted Him always fulfilled my wishes? So when the other way happened, my love turned to a hate. If it was so, then I had no love for Him at all.

True love was still bloom even the condition seemed almost impossible for it. That’s why when I said that I loved Him, I should keep loving Him even though I faced hardness, even though I lost my dreams and hope, even though He didn’t grant my request.  That’s the pure love as He did it to me first. He loved me so much even I was a sinner, even I rebelled to Him and chose walking by myself and pushed Him far away.

At that time I learned to love Him even though…

as I knew and believed in Him that He had and would provide me with the best ones.

When God answer the pray 13

God, where are you God? Where are you?

I’m here My son. What happened? Why are you crying?

God, you know. You know what happened. You know that I just ruined my exam. I ruined everything.

I do know…

Then, why didn’t You help me? Where were You? You know I got bad comments. When presenting my work, the professors criticized me. I’m done, God. I won’t pass this exam. However, You did nothing to help me. You kept silent and let them attacked me cruelly.

 My son, I did help you. When you get the topic that you had to make a presentation, you were really happy, weren’t you? I know you excel in it so I chose it for you.

Ok God. You are right about that part, but still I ruined it. You knew from beginning it would happen, did You? I know that You did it on purpose. Did You want me failed?

Of course not My son. Don’t be angry with me. I did everything for your sake. Didn’t you remember that you almost lost your chance to take the exam? It was Me that helped you. I let them gave you one more chance when some of your friends didn’t get the chance. For doing it, you even didn’t thank Me…

Ok God, I thank You. I admit You’re right…

About their critics, wasn’t it good for you? You knew what were you lacking at and you could improve yourself. I really did it on purpose. I wanted you to learn something.

I admit that I was not good. I was disappointed with myself and I wanted to blame it on someone. I knew what they had spoken was right. But still, I couldn’t accept it. No matter how much I learned, the fact that I ruined my exam would not change.

Stop judging yourself. Instead of weeping, you should be grateful for everything you have. You have had a chance to take the exam and you have got some critics which are good for improving yourself. About the result of your exam, trust it on Me. You don’t have any idea about what am I doing but keep complain on Me.

God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I don’t thank You. I forget to thank You… It just really shatters me. I’m done…

I’m not yet done even you are. I’ve did everything for you and I still do it. Don’t lose hope, my Son. Believe in Me and you will see what will I do to you.

….

God’s waiting

Have you ever been waited for something? I’m sure that you have. How did you feel when you were waiting? Once again, I’m sure you hated it and you swear never you would do it again. You know, today I waited for ticket reservation almost three hours, and honestly it made me impatient.  I really hated it, knowing that I should went to the reservation desk as soon as possible but I couldn’t do it because there was someone else standing there, or even there was no one, still I had to wait for my number was called. No one loves waiting. I’m sure about it.

I think it’s same with what is God feels when He waits for us. God really wants us coming to Him, but us, including me, spend very little time for God. We choose to prioritize our daily schedule, our own interest rather than God. I myself think that I put God on the, well I don’t know exactly where it put Him, maybe on the third, sixth or even tenth place, but not yet on the first, in my life priorities. But God is still waiting for me (Hosea 3:3-5) to leave everything and come to Him. Never he tired or bored when He’s waiting. It’s the opposite of my deeds. I waited for three hours and I got angry, but He’s waiting for the entire of my life and never gets tired.

You know, for me knowing it really makes me speechless. I can’t say or write anything more. I just fell grateful because God loves me so much, but in the same time I feel ashamed because I have done a lot horrible things. Anyway, I believe that He is God who loves me. He has forgiven me and will always forgive me.  But He also wants me to put Him on the first place in my life. Thanks God for Your love…

War room movie comment

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Few months ago, I know it was very long time but I found no time to write so I’m writing now, I watched a very good movie, I thought. Its title was War Room. It was about a wife that had difficult time with her husband. With the old woman’s help, she started to pray for her family. And you know, her family started to change. Her daughter started to pray for her parents, and finally her husband changed to, after he got fired from his company. As, the story passed, her husband had a struggle with his sin. He had stolen his company goods and at that time, he didn’t know what should he do. Gave back the stolen goods would brought him to be prosecuted. Finally he gave back the goods that he stole and amazingly, instead of prosecuting him, his boss asked why did he do it.

That’s the synopsis of the movie. When I watched it, I thought that everything happened in the rest of the movie started by a simple act. It was a prayer from the wife, of course after the old woman, her client urged her, almost forced her, to start praying for herself and her family. Instead of blaming her husband, she should correct herself first, came to God and asked forgiveness. Then she should put everything, her problems, her husband, her daughter in God’s hand. The first point that I got was each of us had to start from ourselves. If we wanted a transformation, we should transform first. It was impossible if we wanted our surrounding changed but we did nothing. The second one, it was not easy to overpower ourselves, our ego, our pride and let God took control. But it was a must. If we confessed Him as God, it meant we had to let Him worked as God. Trusted Him and He would brought everything for our sake. You knew, He could do everything, but it was ourselves that didn’t let Him be our God. We pushed Him from our life and didn’t give Him any chance to make our life beautiful.

The third one, I was really amazed with the husband act. He was repent and ready took a risk for paying his sin. It needed courage to confess our fault and got willingness to take responsibility, no matter how much its cost. In the movie, the husband was ready to be jailed for his deeds. It was not easy, man. Then it was told than he got grace since his boss decided not to prosecute him, but his boss came and asked why did he do it. I myself truly believed that God would not keep silent. When we started to do something right, He would help us too. But, it was us that first had to take an action.

Another part that I liked was when their daughter got a competition. Her team didn’t get the first winner. I really appreciated it. In this life, we would not always get what we want. But, how would we react when it happened, I meant when something we hoped was not happened. Ok, maybe, not maybe but it must be hard for us. We did have choices. We could sank in our sadness or we could chose to give thanks no matter what happened and be happy.

And, the last one, the movie was started by the old woman, the wife client commitment to help others. If the old woman kept silent and did not asked about the wife spiritual life and her family relationship, maybe their marriage would still in trouble, or they could be divorce. You knew, take attention to other was important. The simple act was praying them. But if we had capability to help them why we didn’t do it? I want to close this writing with statement: Every small act, even it’s just a pray can bring a great impact, so don’t stop praying. If you never pray, you are not yet late to start it.

 

Whether it was good or bad, it’s only God who knows…

Once upon a time, there was an old farmer that lived with his only son. They lived in a village near a forest. Beside the farm, they also had a horse. The farmer’s son used it to help him plowed the farm. One day, the farmer’s horse ran into the forest because the farmer’s son forgot to close its stall. Knowing what happened, the farmer’s neighbor come to console him. They said, “We feel sorry for your house. It was a bad thing for losing your only horse. Now, you and your son have to work harder without a horse for helping.” Listening his neighbor, the old farmer only said, “Whether it was good or bad, it’s only God who knows…”

Few days later, the farmer’s horse came back from the forest. Of course the farmer and his son very happy for getting their horse back. But this time, it didn’t come back alone. The horse brought three wild horses back with it. The farmer’s neighbor came again when they heard the sound of horses was running on the farm. They said, “It was a bad thing when your horse ran into the forest, but now you get four horses. You’re very lucky. Maybe losing your horse brought you good sake. If it didn’t run, you will only have one horse.” Again, the old farmer said, “Whether it was good or bad, it’s only God who knows…”

The day after it, the old farmer asked his son to tame the wild horses, so they can use them to plow the farm. Taming wild animal was the farmer’s son ability. But when taming the last horse, it ran wildly and throw the farmer’s son. Fell from the horse made his arm broke and he had to take a rest for a while until his arm healed. The farmer was so sad. His son couldn’t help him worked on the farm. After heard the accident that happened to the farmer’s son, his farmer neighbor came again. They said, “Your horse came back and brought wild horse was a horrible thing. Look at your son, now he gets his arm broke. It was a bad thing happened to you and your family.” The farmer, for the third time said, “Whether it was good or bad, it’s only God who knows…”

One week later, the soldiers from palace come to their village. The soldiers took the village boys and sent them to warfare, because that time their country was in war and they had already lost many soldiers. When the soldiers came into the old farmer house, they found a young man on the bed because his arm was not yet healed. The farmer’s son condition made the soldiers left him in his house. They didn’t need the sick people. The farmer’s neighbor came and crying because the soldiers brought their sons. They said, “You are very lucky. It was a good sake when a wild horse throw your son and the accident brought his arm broke. If your son is healthy now, the soldier will take him and send him to war.” The old farmer, as usual said, “Whether it was good or bad, it’s only God who knows…”

Well, the story just simply teach us not to judge the condition that we get base on our mind. Actually, we never know where will live bring us. Whether it is a bad thing or good one, we get no idea at all. It is only God who create everything knows. And I believe everything happened in our life is for our sake.

A little thing in my head…

As a human being, worrying is part of my life. Do not know what will be happened tomorrow get me really fear. I’m categorized to man who always plans everything perfectly before doing something. That’s why do not know what is going to come really makes me powerless. I don’t know what will I do tomorrow, what kind of job will I get, will I be able to get job that I wanted, will I get my dream comes true, and there are still many things that I get in my head, the things that I have no idea at all.

You know, it is true that as human being, we have many things we worry. We worry much about the future. I think it’s ok. Everyone has their own struggle about their life and their future. But something that suddenly slips into my head is what I need, the Lord will provide them. Wherever it is according with our will or not, it’s a different case, but I’m totally believe Lord will give the best for us. There’s nothing that He won’t give to us. Even His life, it was granted for us. Jesus gave everything He had. He left His throne in heaven for us. Whatever He did, He did it for us. Until the end of His life, He gave His life for us, for saving us from eternal death. I think it’s more than everything we ever asked and imagine.

That consciousness makes me realized that there is nothing in this world worthy enough to be worried. The Lord will provide us, everything we need, it has be given to us. You just need to believe and trust Him. Job, livelihood, money, husband/ wife, kids, all of them are small matters for God. Since He has given His life, the most precious one for us, there is nothing that He will not give to us, but we have to remember as long as it’s for our own sake.

Finishing my writing, I want to give thanks to Jesus for His love. And one another thing, try not to worry too much. He’s here with us and He will help us and provide us. Have a meaningful Good Friday…

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