it’s not about me

How often did you use the word ‘me’ or ‘I’ in your conversation? I think it was a lot enough. Even I used it in my first three sentences hehe…

Well, it looked like a simple thing but without we realized, it made us the center of our universe. Was it wrong? Of course not, I think. Yet, it made us thought ourselves higher than the others or sometimes we thought that we didn’t need other people in our life. Everything we did, we did it for ourselves, even without considerated other people. Our mind was programmed to think ourselves first and completely thought that we were the superhuman in our universe. For example, we did ever plan something, didn’t we? How often did we think about other people or other chance that might be ruined our plans? I my self always made plans and thought they would be success but in the end, a lot of things happened and ruined my plans. You see, I’m not a decision maker in my universe.

Take another consideration. Without me or my think, this universe still moves on. Even when I passed away or vanished, it didn’t affect this universe, hmmm maybe it would affect it a little, just a little. Yet, it would not be destroyed. I’m not the ruler of this universe. Instead, I must follow this universe’s way of life. Even I can decide what will I do in the future, but I can’t change my past. I can’t change my father and mother, my family, my date of birth and my gender. I can’t choose to be born in which family as well as can’t choose to be born as a boy or a girl. I’m totally hopeless. In the end, I can’t choose when and how I will end my life. If I don’t want to die, still I will die someday.

You see, sometimes our mind tricked us. It led us to think high on ourselves. But the truth is we are nothing than a mere human. There were a lot of things that out of our control. Yet, they were still under the control of The Great Creator. You know what is it means?

Worry nothing, sleep well. Take a breath and enjoy your life. Stop being god and let He be. Enjoy your unpredictable life as an adventure. At least it is a choice that we can made.


When God answer the pray 14

March 7th

God, where are You?

God, answer me, please. Where are You now?

Ok, You don’t want to answer me, fine!


June 15th

God, are You really God?

I asked You for times but You kept silent. Answer me God!

If You exist, I challenge You to answer me!

I challenge You to show me who You are!


July 21st

You are not God, are You? You didn’t do anything. Or You are not able to?

I know You are not God…

Ok, You are nor God, so I have no business with You any longer…


October 24th

Hello My son. It has been for a while since the last time you spoke to Me…

Who are You?

I’m God…

Don’t be silly. You are not. I even don’t know if God exist… He never answered me…

Why I should answer you? Who are you that I must answer you or obey your command?

You are not God, but I am. I have no obligation to grant all your wishes. Instead, I can do anything as I am God. I have right to ignore you too, don’t I?

You are right, but…

And I have right to ignore all your challenges. I lose nothing even though you ignore Me…

You are right again…

As the creator, I have the right to do anything I want to my creations. It is same as you create something. For example, when you write something, you deserved to delete it whenever you were not pleased to the writing. So do I, I deserved to ignore my creations, or erase them whenever I was not pleased.

… I know it is… it is not about me, but it is about You. I’m sorry for disturbing You…

Do you understand now? Actually, I love the way you disturbed Me. I love you that why I always answered your questions, your complaints, your anger, but sometimes I have to make you grow. I have to discipline you too, so you can be mature.     

I realized it now God. Instead of You need me, it is me who need You… thanks for being my God, thanks for being patient to me…

Feel free to come to Me, My son. You know I love you so much. Yet, it doesn’t mean I tolerate any rebellion against Me.

I’ll keep it in my mind, God…

Love is not because of… but it is in spite of…

What did you fell when someone whom you love hurt you, disappointed you or made you sad? Did you still love them? Perhaps some of you still loved them while the other chose to hate them.

I know that it was not easy when a man who was close to you hurt you badly. However, as you loved him so much, I think you would have not considered the pain that he did. As parents who loved their children so much wouldn’t able to hate them even though they hurt them. Love covered everything.

Now, let’s talk about our relationship with God. I knew and I really did have some hard times that made me hurt, be disappointed even angry at Him. When everything happened was far away from my expectation, I questioned His love. If He were God, he should help me through this hardness. If He loved me, I should not face those problems. There were a lot of excuses that I made for blaming Him.

Yet, did I really have right to do it? Who was I that I could order The Creator? Suddenly my consciousness rebuked me. When I said that I loved him, was it was because I wanted Him always fulfilled my wishes? So when the other way happened, my love turned to a hate. If it was so, then I had no love for Him at all.

True love was still bloom even the condition seemed almost impossible for it. That’s why when I said that I loved Him, I should keep loving Him even though I faced hardness, even though I lost my dreams and hope, even though He didn’t grant my request.  That’s the pure love as He did it to me first. He loved me so much even I was a sinner, even I rebelled to Him and chose walking by myself and pushed Him far away.

At that time I learned to love Him even though…

as I knew and believed in Him that He had and would provide me with the best ones.

When God answer the pray 13

God, where are you God? Where are you?

I’m here My son. What happened? Why are you crying?

God, you know. You know what happened. You know that I just ruined my exam. I ruined everything.

I do know…

Then, why didn’t You help me? Where were You? You know I got bad comments. When presenting my work, the professors criticized me. I’m done, God. I won’t pass this exam. However, You did nothing to help me. You kept silent and let them attacked me cruelly.

 My son, I did help you. When you get the topic that you had to make a presentation, you were really happy, weren’t you? I know you excel in it so I chose it for you.

Ok God. You are right about that part, but still I ruined it. You knew from beginning it would happen, did You? I know that You did it on purpose. Did You want me failed?

Of course not My son. Don’t be angry with me. I did everything for your sake. Didn’t you remember that you almost lost your chance to take the exam? It was Me that helped you. I let them gave you one more chance when some of your friends didn’t get the chance. For doing it, you even didn’t thank Me…

Ok God, I thank You. I admit You’re right…

About their critics, wasn’t it good for you? You knew what were you lacking at and you could improve yourself. I really did it on purpose. I wanted you to learn something.

I admit that I was not good. I was disappointed with myself and I wanted to blame it on someone. I knew what they had spoken was right. But still, I couldn’t accept it. No matter how much I learned, the fact that I ruined my exam would not change.

Stop judging yourself. Instead of weeping, you should be grateful for everything you have. You have had a chance to take the exam and you have got some critics which are good for improving yourself. About the result of your exam, trust it on Me. You don’t have any idea about what am I doing but keep complain on Me.

God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I don’t thank You. I forget to thank You… It just really shatters me. I’m done…

I’m not yet done even you are. I’ve did everything for you and I still do it. Don’t lose hope, my Son. Believe in Me and you will see what will I do to you.


God’s waiting

Have you ever been waited for something? I’m sure that you have. How did you feel when you were waiting? Once again, I’m sure you hated it and you swear never you would do it again. You know, today I waited for ticket reservation almost three hours, and honestly it made me impatient.  I really hated it, knowing that I should went to the reservation desk as soon as possible but I couldn’t do it because there was someone else standing there, or even there was no one, still I had to wait for my number was called. No one loves waiting. I’m sure about it.

I think it’s same with what is God feels when He waits for us. God really wants us coming to Him, but us, including me, spend very little time for God. We choose to prioritize our daily schedule, our own interest rather than God. I myself think that I put God on the, well I don’t know exactly where it put Him, maybe on the third, sixth or even tenth place, but not yet on the first, in my life priorities. But God is still waiting for me (Hosea 3:3-5) to leave everything and come to Him. Never he tired or bored when He’s waiting. It’s the opposite of my deeds. I waited for three hours and I got angry, but He’s waiting for the entire of my life and never gets tired.

You know, for me knowing it really makes me speechless. I can’t say or write anything more. I just fell grateful because God loves me so much, but in the same time I feel ashamed because I have done a lot horrible things. Anyway, I believe that He is God who loves me. He has forgiven me and will always forgive me.  But He also wants me to put Him on the first place in my life. Thanks God for Your love…

War room movie comment


Few months ago, I know it was very long time but I found no time to write so I’m writing now, I watched a very good movie, I thought. Its title was War Room. It was about a wife that had difficult time with her husband. With the old woman’s help, she started to pray for her family. And you know, her family started to change. Her daughter started to pray for her parents, and finally her husband changed to, after he got fired from his company. As, the story passed, her husband had a struggle with his sin. He had stolen his company goods and at that time, he didn’t know what should he do. Gave back the stolen goods would brought him to be prosecuted. Finally he gave back the goods that he stole and amazingly, instead of prosecuting him, his boss asked why did he do it.

That’s the synopsis of the movie. When I watched it, I thought that everything happened in the rest of the movie started by a simple act. It was a prayer from the wife, of course after the old woman, her client urged her, almost forced her, to start praying for herself and her family. Instead of blaming her husband, she should correct herself first, came to God and asked forgiveness. Then she should put everything, her problems, her husband, her daughter in God’s hand. The first point that I got was each of us had to start from ourselves. If we wanted a transformation, we should transform first. It was impossible if we wanted our surrounding changed but we did nothing. The second one, it was not easy to overpower ourselves, our ego, our pride and let God took control. But it was a must. If we confessed Him as God, it meant we had to let Him worked as God. Trusted Him and He would brought everything for our sake. You knew, He could do everything, but it was ourselves that didn’t let Him be our God. We pushed Him from our life and didn’t give Him any chance to make our life beautiful.

The third one, I was really amazed with the husband act. He was repent and ready took a risk for paying his sin. It needed courage to confess our fault and got willingness to take responsibility, no matter how much its cost. In the movie, the husband was ready to be jailed for his deeds. It was not easy, man. Then it was told than he got grace since his boss decided not to prosecute him, but his boss came and asked why did he do it. I myself truly believed that God would not keep silent. When we started to do something right, He would help us too. But, it was us that first had to take an action.

Another part that I liked was when their daughter got a competition. Her team didn’t get the first winner. I really appreciated it. In this life, we would not always get what we want. But, how would we react when it happened, I meant when something we hoped was not happened. Ok, maybe, not maybe but it must be hard for us. We did have choices. We could sank in our sadness or we could chose to give thanks no matter what happened and be happy.

And, the last one, the movie was started by the old woman, the wife client commitment to help others. If the old woman kept silent and did not asked about the wife spiritual life and her family relationship, maybe their marriage would still in trouble, or they could be divorce. You knew, take attention to other was important. The simple act was praying them. But if we had capability to help them why we didn’t do it? I want to close this writing with statement: Every small act, even it’s just a pray can bring a great impact, so don’t stop praying. If you never pray, you are not yet late to start it.