Doubts and faith

Did you ever have doubts in your heart? Some people maybe thought that doubts were the sign of lack of faith, but I didn’t think so. If you didn’t have faith how come you could have doubts in your heart?

It was not ashamed if we had doubts. It was normal. Nobody’s perfect. Everybody had ever felt uncertain about his choice. In my life, sometimes I questioned myself whether my choice was right. I thought it was OK if I did a mistake, at least I could learn something from it. But if I had a doubt and it prevented me to do anything, I thought it was not OK.

Doubts showed that we did have faith and our humanity who couldn’t accept that our condition was different with our imagination raised doubts in our heart. How can we defeat our doubts? The answer is to keep our faith in God. There are only two options, the first one is our doubt defeat us and we completely lost our faith and as the consequence we will live with no guidance and lost; or the second one that is we defeat our doubts and it will increase our faith in Him as we know and believe that He will always walk before us.

If you are having a doubt today or feel uncertain about some problems that you are facing, I will not blame you. It’s humane. I hope and pray for you that you will defeat your doubts and increase your faith.

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When God answer my pray…

I will never leave you not forsake you…  Hebrew 13: 5

It was like another day when I came home, since I lived in another city. For me, coming home was like torturing myself. My parents didn’t approve with my job. They didn’t want me worked as a lecturer because they hoped me became a businessman. As we all knew that being a businessman promised you a better future than being a lecturer. However, it was my choice. And as the consequence, listening to their argument was my routine schedule when I was at home.

Since I couldn’t discuss my difficulties with my parents, that’s because they blamed me for my choice, I found it was hard to tell them about my feel, my fear and my struggle. It seemed that I left alone and no one supported me.  In the moment like that, sometimes I asked God why He put me in that situation and when He would help me out of it. I have prayed and prayed for many times, but I felt that it didn’t change anything.

But today, I thought that He answered my pray. Today my sister borrowed some books, one of them was the Chicken Soup book. Actually I love reading, but I didn’t put my eyes on them.  I forgot how long I read my last Chicken Soup book. It was some years ago. I used to love reading that kind of book, but now I thought that it was not interesting anymore.

I didn’t know what made me take the book and read it. It was a Chicken Soup about the answered prays. Reading it made me refreshed. It seemed like that God spoke to me using the book, using the stories inside. Somehow I thought that it was His way to strengthen my faith. I believed that nothing happened by accident but it was His work. It was His work when my sister asked me to accompany her to the library that day. It was His work too when He lent the books to my sister since I was not interesting about any book in the library. And it was His work too when suddenly I wanted to read it. The most important thing, I really believed He chose the right time that He put the book when I was at home.

I don’t know how about you, but I believe there were some moments when He spoke to you, answered your pray using some unpredictable ways. That’s how He works. Our task is just opening our ears and our heart to listen to His answers.

it’s not about me

How often did you use the word ‘me’ or ‘I’ in your conversation? I think it was a lot enough. Even I used it in my first three sentences hehe…

Well, it looked like a simple thing but without we realized, it made us the center of our universe. Was it wrong? Of course not, I think. Yet, it made us thought ourselves higher than the others or sometimes we thought that we didn’t need other people in our life. Everything we did, we did it for ourselves, even without considerated other people. Our mind was programmed to think ourselves first and completely thought that we were the superhuman in our universe. For example, we did ever plan something, didn’t we? How often did we think about other people or other chance that might be ruined our plans? I my self always made plans and thought they would be success but in the end, a lot of things happened and ruined my plans. You see, I’m not a decision maker in my universe.

Take another consideration. Without me or my think, this universe still moves on. Even when I passed away or vanished, it didn’t affect this universe, hmmm maybe it would affect it a little, just a little. Yet, it would not be destroyed. I’m not the ruler of this universe. Instead, I must follow this universe’s way of life. Even I can decide what will I do in the future, but I can’t change my past. I can’t change my father and mother, my family, my date of birth and my gender. I can’t choose to be born in which family as well as can’t choose to be born as a boy or a girl. I’m totally hopeless. In the end, I can’t choose when and how I will end my life. If I don’t want to die, still I will die someday.

You see, sometimes our mind tricked us. It led us to think high on ourselves. But the truth is we are nothing than a mere human. There were a lot of things that out of our control. Yet, they were still under the control of The Great Creator. You know what is it means?

Worry nothing, sleep well. Take a breath and enjoy your life. Stop being god and let He be. Enjoy your unpredictable life as an adventure. At least it is a choice that we can made.

When God answer the pray 14

March 7th

God, where are You?

God, answer me, please. Where are You now?

Ok, You don’t want to answer me, fine!

 

June 15th

God, are You really God?

I asked You for times but You kept silent. Answer me God!

If You exist, I challenge You to answer me!

I challenge You to show me who You are!

 

July 21st

You are not God, are You? You didn’t do anything. Or You are not able to?

I know You are not God…

Ok, You are nor God, so I have no business with You any longer…

 

October 24th

Hello My son. It has been for a while since the last time you spoke to Me…

Who are You?

I’m God…

Don’t be silly. You are not. I even don’t know if God exist… He never answered me…

Why I should answer you? Who are you that I must answer you or obey your command?

You are not God, but I am. I have no obligation to grant all your wishes. Instead, I can do anything as I am God. I have right to ignore you too, don’t I?

You are right, but…

And I have right to ignore all your challenges. I lose nothing even though you ignore Me…

You are right again…

As the creator, I have the right to do anything I want to my creations. It is same as you create something. For example, when you write something, you deserved to delete it whenever you were not pleased to the writing. So do I, I deserved to ignore my creations, or erase them whenever I was not pleased.

… I know it is… it is not about me, but it is about You. I’m sorry for disturbing You…

Do you understand now? Actually, I love the way you disturbed Me. I love you that why I always answered your questions, your complaints, your anger, but sometimes I have to make you grow. I have to discipline you too, so you can be mature.     

I realized it now God. Instead of You need me, it is me who need You… thanks for being my God, thanks for being patient to me…

Feel free to come to Me, My son. You know I love you so much. Yet, it doesn’t mean I tolerate any rebellion against Me.

I’ll keep it in my mind, God…

Love is not because of… but it is in spite of…

What did you fell when someone whom you love hurt you, disappointed you or made you sad? Did you still love them? Perhaps some of you still loved them while the other chose to hate them.

I know that it was not easy when a man who was close to you hurt you badly. However, as you loved him so much, I think you would have not considered the pain that he did. As parents who loved their children so much wouldn’t able to hate them even though they hurt them. Love covered everything.

Now, let’s talk about our relationship with God. I knew and I really did have some hard times that made me hurt, be disappointed even angry at Him. When everything happened was far away from my expectation, I questioned His love. If He were God, he should help me through this hardness. If He loved me, I should not face those problems. There were a lot of excuses that I made for blaming Him.

Yet, did I really have right to do it? Who was I that I could order The Creator? Suddenly my consciousness rebuked me. When I said that I loved him, was it was because I wanted Him always fulfilled my wishes? So when the other way happened, my love turned to a hate. If it was so, then I had no love for Him at all.

True love was still bloom even the condition seemed almost impossible for it. That’s why when I said that I loved Him, I should keep loving Him even though I faced hardness, even though I lost my dreams and hope, even though He didn’t grant my request.  That’s the pure love as He did it to me first. He loved me so much even I was a sinner, even I rebelled to Him and chose walking by myself and pushed Him far away.

At that time I learned to love Him even though…

as I knew and believed in Him that He had and would provide me with the best ones.

When God answer the pray 13

God, where are you God? Where are you?

I’m here My son. What happened? Why are you crying?

God, you know. You know what happened. You know that I just ruined my exam. I ruined everything.

I do know…

Then, why didn’t You help me? Where were You? You know I got bad comments. When presenting my work, the professors criticized me. I’m done, God. I won’t pass this exam. However, You did nothing to help me. You kept silent and let them attacked me cruelly.

 My son, I did help you. When you get the topic that you had to make a presentation, you were really happy, weren’t you? I know you excel in it so I chose it for you.

Ok God. You are right about that part, but still I ruined it. You knew from beginning it would happen, did You? I know that You did it on purpose. Did You want me failed?

Of course not My son. Don’t be angry with me. I did everything for your sake. Didn’t you remember that you almost lost your chance to take the exam? It was Me that helped you. I let them gave you one more chance when some of your friends didn’t get the chance. For doing it, you even didn’t thank Me…

Ok God, I thank You. I admit You’re right…

About their critics, wasn’t it good for you? You knew what were you lacking at and you could improve yourself. I really did it on purpose. I wanted you to learn something.

I admit that I was not good. I was disappointed with myself and I wanted to blame it on someone. I knew what they had spoken was right. But still, I couldn’t accept it. No matter how much I learned, the fact that I ruined my exam would not change.

Stop judging yourself. Instead of weeping, you should be grateful for everything you have. You have had a chance to take the exam and you have got some critics which are good for improving yourself. About the result of your exam, trust it on Me. You don’t have any idea about what am I doing but keep complain on Me.

God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I don’t thank You. I forget to thank You… It just really shatters me. I’m done…

I’m not yet done even you are. I’ve did everything for you and I still do it. Don’t lose hope, my Son. Believe in Me and you will see what will I do to you.

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